Dinner For Schmucks

Dear Paul "Got Matsui" Rudd,
I can't honestly say I can think of a movie where I thought it was a bad career choice for you.  Ok maybe diggers, but other than that you have an amazingly great streak of good movies...and then this.  I can't help but think you only did this movie to work with Jeff Dunham...I mean Steve Carell.  There is nothing wrong with wanting to work with Steve again, but come on Dinner for Schmucks seemed like a wise career choice?  I am gonna go ahead and say no.  Your manager probably told you "it's gonna be great, the director of Meet the Parents is going to direct it."  This immediately is a bad sign.  Meet the Parent was awful.  It was a way for Hollywood to bank off of the the unfunny Ben Stiller during the holidays.  Paul I'm not mad at you for doing this movie, i'm just disappointed.  Know that I won't stop watching your movies, but I hope you don't make a mistake like this again.  Thanks.

Sincerely,
Corny Reviews

Paul Rudd wants a promotion.  In order to get one he must invite an idiot to dinner to make fun of him.  Steve Carell is that idiot...and Hilarity ensues.  This is what should be on the cover of the DVD.  Which is when you should see this movie.  Only on DVD.  This movie is two-sided.  The first half of this movie is down right awful.  It is not a comedy, and its not a love story, and it's not quirky.  It's somewhere in between.  It seems as though the director/screenwriter/actors all have no idea what is going on in the first 60 minutes of this movie.  I laughed all of three times and I think the audience laughed 4.  Gosh people love the Flight of the Concords guy.  Frankly my dear [wink wink] I think that show is awful.  Hang up the business socks, and do something else besides comedy.  The first 50 minutes is suppose to set up the rest of the movie to succeed.  Dinner for Schmucks did not do this.  In fact the last 50 minutes of this movies weren't bad, but the first 50 did so much damage you as the audience member weren't able to enjoy the last half as much.  The second half of this movie was actually quite funny.  Steve Carell was on top of him game, and Zach Galifinakis looked as if he was playing himself.  Either way the movie took a touching yet comedic turn after a horrible 60 minutes.  Did it make up for the entire movie...no way.  This movie wasn't salvageable since the first time America watched the trailer and thought to themselves...wait what is that movie about?  I would like to thank a man in the movie that was a blind Olympic Fencer, you provided unsuspected comedy, and for that I applaud you.  Please America don't watch this movie in Theateres.  Wait for DVD and skip the first 60 minutes.  I give the first half of this movie an...EXTRA SMALL BAG OF POPCORN.  I give the second half of this movie a MEDIUM BAG OF POPCORN.

PAST REVIEWS

Hello fans sorry that I have not been keeping you up to date on all the hit summer movies.  I know its hard to believe, but I have a personal life, and at times things get a little busy.  For those of you interested here are my quick reviews of the movies I saw in June/July.

Toy Story 3 - EXTRA LARGE BAG OF POPCORN [Not for kids, but great movie]
Grown Ups - LARGE BAG OF POPCORN [Adam Sandler knows his fans and he delivered to them, not critics]
Marmaduke - Ok I actually didn't waste my time on this one.
Predators - MEDIUM BAG OF POPCORN [No need for a remake, but the ending was worth the ticket price]
Eclipse - SMALL BAG OF POPCORN [better than the first 2, but this is once again the worst display of acting, when Kristin Stewart is the best actor on set, that is a bad sign]
Despicable Me - EXTRA LARGE BAG OF POPCORN [Another sign that Pixar isn't the only company that can make great movies.  This movies is completely original, and I love that about it.]
Sorcerer's Apprentice - MEDIUM BAG OF POPCORN [Considering I was the only one in the theatre at 9:55AM I enjoy the Nick Cage/Jay Baruchal tag team]
Inception - EXTRA LARGE BAG OF POPCORN [Maybe not the best movie of the year, but certainly mind-blowing.  Thank you Ellen Page for growing up a bit]
Salt - SMALL BAG OF POPCORN [If you have seen G-Force then you have seen this movie.  If you didn't get that reference, I am referring to the one with the spy hamsters who do completely ridiculous things.  Just like this movie.]

Cyrus - TRIPLE EXTRA LARGE BAG OF POPCORN [This is the best movie of 2010.  Jay Duplass has done it again.  If you have seen The Puffy Chair you know this director was bound to make something great.  Cyrus is that something.  Amazing Direction.  Amazing Art Direction.  Amazing Movie.  I feel like the Bachelorette, I just say Amazing all the time.]

Dinner For Schmucks Review coming soon...
I love my fans!

The A-Team

Dear fans of MMA,

 I will never understand you.  The fact that you like watching men fight each other inside of a cage is beyond me.  Never in my life will I watch something so "bro"ish.  At least WWE is fake, and has given the world Dwayne Johnson, who for some reason despite a horrific movie career so far has managed to still capture americas heart.  The fact that your company has now given us Rampage Jackson is a complete disgrace.  The man can't act...well neither could Mr. T, but come one MMA.  If you are as great as America thinks you are then give Hollywood something to look at.  Instead I am going to continue to express my hatred towards you for a long time.  Oh and by the way.  While watching a fight I just want you to look at the crowd.  Just see how many guys are wearing Fedoras, and Affliction/Ed Hardy shirts.  BARF.  So basically what I am saying is the entire movie hinged on who was going to play B.A., and well you gave us crap.  Oh whats that, you want to know who I would have put in their to replace him.  Duh Cedric the Entertainer.  Why you ask.  Cause he can actually entertain us rather than your fellow nicknamed friend RAMPAGE.  K LATER BRO

Sincerely,

Corny Reviews

"The guys specialize in the ridiculous."  Thank you Jessica Biel for giving us this tagline because it ultimately sums up the movie.  It is absolutely RIDICULOUS...but in a really good way.  Of course this movie is not an award winner.  Of course this movie has a very thin plot, but I guarantee you the reason why you walked into the movie theatre in the first place was not because of either of these 2 things.  This movie is so ridiculous that it is actually good.  The 1980's show was so over the top and cheesy that America fell in love with it.  The 2010 A-Team was basically the same thing.  Bad Acting/Bad Story/Bad Writing, yet so completely over the top, I enjoyed it.  I can completely understand why not as many people went and saw this movie...it wasn't really the A-Team.  Sure the names were the same, but this was no ode to the original.  This movie decided they were going to go in a completely different direction.  Why was the show so successful.  Mr. T, and his van is the only answer you are looking for.  This movie had neither of those.  So instead of a reboot of the show, hollywood has gone and created it's own A-Team.  The go to Action guy [Neissen], The hunk [Cooper], The rising star [The guy from District 9], and the most well known face in MMA [Jackson, not Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson]They are just as ridiculous, and just as fun as the orginal shows character, but it's 30 years later.  Because of the bomb this movie took at the box office I don't know if we will get a sequel out of the A-Team, but if the same special effects guys are on board you can count me in.  The special effects were unbelievable.  I honestly could not tell their was a green screen while watching the movie.  Their are so many guns being fired, and action happening that you get lost in the fun instead of get stuck on how over the top this movie is.  The difference between this movie and Transformers is that the A-Team is not trying to be a good movie, and you get that impression.  Rather it's about 4 guys specializing in ridiculous action, and that is all you are going to get.  If you are not into that well then don't see this movie.  It's simple.  If you are a child under 13 don't see this movie.  If you appreciate entertainment, and have 2 hours spare watch this movie is theatres.  Thank you for your time, and I give this movie a...

LARGE BAG OF POPCORN

Karate Kid

Dear Jackie Chan,
Since when were you an actor.  I have seen you in many movies including some old favorites like Shanghai Knights, and Shanghai Noon, but never have I seen you actually act.  The fact that your last movie was titled The Spy Next Door makes me think this isn't the same Jackie Chan.  It think you lucked out on the Karate Kid.  Paramount found the perfect role for you, and man did you nail your character.  There wasn't a moment in this movie where I thought..."What is he doing in this movie."  Rather I kept thinking throughout..."Holy Crap Jackie Chan can act."  I am going on record that given the right role you are a great actor, and you exceeded my expectations in the Karate Kid.  Congratulations on actually being a actor, and not a action movie star.  In the same way Jean Claude Van Damm proved his acting chops in JCVD, you just proved yours.  So thanks for making the Karate Kid a great movie.


Sincerely Your Newest Fan,
Corny Reviews


Lets put this movie in perspective, because I know a lot of you are haters, just because of the name.  It's remake of a classic 1980's comedy/fun family movie.  Obviously for nostalgia reasons the original is going to be better in everyones mind.  What I ask is that you go back and actually watch the original and compare it to this one now.  I personally believe the newest version is far better than the original.  Also the movie is not about Karate.  It's about Kung Fu.  Why don't they name the movie Kung Fu Kid...Well for 2 reasons.  1 that is a stupid name, and 2 the production company likes a brand name, and its well known.  It was well known enough to make $60 million opening weekend.  EAT IT A-TEAM!  With all that being said the Karate Kid is a GREAT movie.  It's a great movie for many reasons.  One might look at this movie, and think Oh its predictable.  You're right it is predictable, but since when does that not make it a good movie.  Everyone knows what happens at the end of the Passion of the Christ...yet its still a good movie.  You can pretty much guess what is going to happen at the end of all 3 Spider-mans, and 2 of them are actually good.  So get that thought out of your mind that this movie isn't good because its predictable.  Duh its predictable, but what makes this movie great is 1 thing...The Acting.  Jaden Smith is talented.  He is following in the footsteps of his father, and he is only 12 years old.  I don't think we are going to see Jaden Smith make a poor career choice like other young actors.  I think with his father's resume I wouldn't expect anything different from his son.  Jaden Smith, and Jackie Chan made this movie.  Their is one scene inside of a car, that is not only directed beautifully, but truly shows that both of these actors deserve credibility in the acting world.  Most of you have already dismissed me as a reviewer, and don't go see any movies I tell you to see, but you are not going to want to miss this one.  Of course you already know the story of the Karate Kid, but see this movie, for the sole reason of seeing a has-been actor prove himself, and an up in coming actor show that he deserves respect.  I hope you all see this movie, and don't dismiss me.  If you do dismiss me however, please let me know by commenting.  For crying out loud please just comment.  I give this movie a...
LARGE BAG OF POPCORN.

Prince of Persia

This summer stinks.  The truth is you can't start a summer off with a blockbuster hit such as Iron Man, and then follow it up with Robin Hood, and Shrek.  Then the following week you [I really don't know who this you is addressing] come out with Prince of Persia, and Sex in the City.  I hope Corny Review loyal fans out their don't think that I am bad reviewer, which I kind of am, but that you know I am saving myself for the better movies that are coming out later this summer.  However I did see one movie in the month of may that I was secretly excited about.  So here is my take on Prince of Persia.


Dear Prince of Persia Casting Agency,


Why?  Why cast Jake Gyllenhal.  When you think Prince of Persia you can stand before me without smiling, and say "Oh it has to be the guy from Bubble Boy."  If you answer yes to that question I WILL have you fired.  This is arguably one of the worst casting choices in the history of cinema...behind Nicholas Cage as Ghostwriter.  Where to begin.  The guy doesn't even have a british, or this case Persian accent.  Remember this is guy who entered a rocket competition in October Sky, the the Persia prince is about a guy who saves the world from getting turned back in time, and never existing.  To cast the same guy in both movies, does not make sense.  I am sorry to say, but the casting of Jake Gyllenhal ruined your movie the second the trailer came out.  


With Love,
Corny Reviews


Lets be fair.  I am a SUCKER, for anything that has to do with ancient greek mythology.  I love, I MEAN LOVE, the Mummy movies.  That to me is the exact definition of a summer movie franchise.  Just entertainment.  And the truth is when I saw the trailer for Prince of Persia I really wanted to see it.  I entered this movie with no expectations other than to relive the first video game I can say I actually beat.  I knew the acting was going to be bad...and I was correct, but what saved this movie, was the action.  The movie was filled with extreme stunts and plenty of action to the point where you actually think to yourself..."That could never happen."  Yet when you watch SpiderMan you never think that.  The way the director depicted the dagger taking back time was really well done I thought.  He takes a first person camera angle, and allows the audience to go back in time with them, which I thought was an interesting "Duke Nukem" [another video game reference] tactic.  This movie was leaps and bounds better than Clash of the Titans, and honestly the CGI was too.  Was it family friendly.  I would say so.  This is the 2nd disney movie that is PG-13, and I would probably let a 10 year old go to it.  There is a bit of blood, but they do a pretty good job, and not letting is get out of control.  So for a summer movie with horrible acting, but with loads of action, and a pretty cool story I give this movie a...
MEDIUM BAG OF POPCORN

Oceans / Babies

I know it's been a while, but the truth is that no good movies have come out in a long time.  Also their will be plenty of reviews coming this summer, and the surge of summer movies begins.  I am sure most of my fans...if I have any are wondering why I am not doing a review on Iron Man.  Well to answer that question, Iron Man is such a huge movie like Transformers that no matter how I review it, you the American Consumer are going to see it anyways.  I am going to simultaneously review two brand new documentaries [my second favorite genre of movies] that I thought were very fascinating.


Dear Educational Documentaries,


Thank you so much for being unique, and unlike most other movies.  You have managed to form your own style of documentary, and for that I am grateful.  I feel as though I know so much more about the ocean, and about infants.  You are much more educational than anything I could have learned in child development classes, history classes, and oceanology classes.  I am bummed that during my small stint at the worlds greatest community college...Cabrillo, you did not educate us with these fascinating documentaries.  


Sincerely,
Corny Reviews


Most of you have never heard of either of these documentaries.  Ocean and Babies are about exactly what you think they are about the ocean, and babies.  Ocean discovers new worlds under the sea, and gives the world a remarkable inside look at what goes on beneath the amazing wonder that is the ocean.  Babies is a "movie" I guess about 4 babies that are documented for 1 year in 4 different places in the world.  We see how different cultures raise their babies, and although it might make USA mothers go crazy, it truly is incredible to see the way babies are raised in various different part of the world.  Each documentary is unique in their own way.  Pierce Brosnan narrates Oceans, and does a decent job with it.  Babies on the other hand has no narration, which at first is odd, but what babies is trying to do is truly capture the essence of the 1st year of having a child.  The thing I appreciate about both is the cinematography.  Holy Smokes!  The cameras, the lighting, the angles are incredible.  I wish movie directors, and cinematographers would take some pointers from this film.  They seem to capture the oceans not necessarily by the animals themselves, but by the way they are filmed.  The same goes for babies.  Yes, babies are cute, but the angles, and lighting at which they are shot is brilliant.  If you at all enjoy film, and want to see 2 well done documentaries see these movies.  I don't recommend parents taking their kids to either of these movies because truthfully they are boring.  Its like that history class you had in high school.  The teacher was boring, but the content was incredible.  See these movies if you have the chance, I give them each a...
LARGE BAG OF POPCORN

Really excited about the movie Oceans. Review to come soon.

Death at a Funeral

Dear James Marsden,


I have always been a giant fan of yours.  Your range for movies is actually really good.  From X-Men to Sex Drive, Hairspray, and Enchanted, you have put together quite a resume.  However your finest film yet was Death at a Funeral.  You easily stole the show, in a cast full of show stealers [Tracy Morgan, Luke Wilson].  I think what did it for you was your smile.  It is seriously so big.  On the other side of things the whole hallucination joke went on for too long.  It's cool though because your character kept the laughs going throughout.  Thanks for another great performance and not making this movie as bad as I thought it would be.


Sincerely,
Corny  Reviews


Before you say anything about the fact that I actually saw this movie.  I ask that you read this review with an open mind.  Obviously this from the second the trailer premiered was looked at by most of you as a waste of time.  And for some of you it might be [racists], but I have to say I truly enjoyed this movie.  Having seen the original British comedy 3 years ago in Santa Cruz, I was pleasantly surprised by this remake.  The original couldn't hold on to its laughs or the audience like the Chris Rock produced remake did.  The whole premise is that all these family members reunite for a funeral, but when everyone gets together hilarity ensues.  Well at least this was the point of the original.  The truth is it wasn't that believable.  The remake was.  Why was it so believable you ask?  To tell you truth I don't know but with a long list for a cast including the now old Danny Glover, who delivers one of the best lines of the movie, they all kind of made it work.  At about minute 75 into the movie we got point, and for this fact alone I am going to grade it a little bit lower than I should.


This is not the movie you want to show your kids due to the language, but this isn't a movie you should pass up at the old red-box either.  For those of you looking to be entertained for 90 minutes this is the perfect movie.  You are sure to laugh at James Marsden character, and you will definately laugh at Tracy Morgan throughout.  The part I think I appreciate the most about Death at a Funeral is that the funny parts weren't in the trailer.  This is something all to common in movies today and I appreciate the fact that I didn't alway know what was coming.  Thank you Chris Rock, and Martin Lawrence [easily the most unfunny character of the movie] for entertaining me and my wife on this nice afternoon in Fresno.  And for that entertainment and laughs alone, I give this movie a...
MEDIUM BAG OF POPCORN

The Last Song

Dear Paul Walker Look-Alike Liam Hemsworth,

 You will never look as good as Paul Walker with that perfect wavy hair, and you will never co-star alongside such american heroes as Vin Diesel, but unlike your twin you can actually act.  Is it the fact that your brother Chris Hemsworth [who will be THOR in next summers Marvel movie] got you this gig or you actually tried out and made the cut to play Miley Cyrus' love interest.  Either way good job, you made this movie a tad bit more enjoyable.  To bad the movie couldn't have been better so that your acting career would have started on a high note.  Oh well at least your good looking and 1000's of teenage girls already have a half naked poster of you in there bedroom.  K Later

Sincerely,

Corny Reviews

Look what can you expect from a movie starring Miley Cyrus, Executive produced by Tish Cyrus [Miley's Mom], Produced by Adam Shankman that guy from So You Think You Can Dance, and written by Nicolas Sparks [the sappy author who writes novels that all women love].  You can expect pretty much what you are thinking in your head.  Sparks may be a decent author, but writing a movie, and writing a book are 2 separate things.  The script for this movie was really really bad.  Now lets take the script out of the equation.  Lets talk acting.  Cyrus, not aweful.  Liam Hemsworth, decent needs a few more movies under his belt, Greg Kinnear, Steller performance.  The problem with putting a guy like Kinnear in this movie is that he makes everyone else look bad.

Ok so now to the plot.  This is a movie that continues to tug on your heart.  The movie wants its audience to cry, and to feel sad, but at a certain point you have let up.  Do you remember the ending to the 3rd lord of the rings?  You kept thinking it was over and then there was one more scene of the hobbits jumping on the bed, then another scene, then another scene.  Yeah thats how this movie ended up.  If you allow it this movie will rip your heart out.  Put it back together, rip your heart out again, put it back together, rip your heart again, but this time you are just pissed off at the movie, and tired of having you heart ripped out.  Here's what I say.  The movie is certainly not the worst Sparks Adaptation, but this is really a movie to see on DVD.

Its a great movie for a home Date Movie.  Besides the occasional bad language and a few shots of Miley Cyrus' cleavage the movie is pretty clean.  Great for a family movie night...once its out on DVD of course.  

Last thing I didn't like and then I will stop wasting your time.  I don't like how movies now a days talk about Divorce so lightly.  As if it is what it is.  Divorce needs to be portrayed exactly how it is in real life.  Not something super healthy and totally normal.  It's bogus to me, but hey that Hollywood, huh?

Anyways I give this movie a...

SMALL BAG OF POPCORN

How to Train Your Dragon

Dear Pixar,


  Watch Out!  Dream Works is coming for ya, and honestly they have just made a better film than any of your 9 total.  How to train your dragon in my opinion tops the list for animated features.  I understand you have the name in your favor, and maybe some really good short films that accompany your movies, but never the less competition is on the rise.  Now that the awful Over the Hedge has nearly been forgotten, Dream Works finally has a decent rap sheet.  All 3 Shreks, Kung Fu Panda, and now you competitor for best animated feature How to train your Dragon.  Although I do throughly enjoy each film you have made, I can honestly say that none pulled on my heart as much as Dragons did.  Its sad that great movies like UP make $250 million, but movies that are amazing like Dragons is going to make $150 million.  I hope you enjoy being the second best animated movie company, and if your staff disagrees with me, tell them I am sorry, but they should have thought of the idea of Dragon's being friendly in the first place.


Here is my standing from the past 10 years, the next 10 look promising your competitor.


2000-2009


Pixar - 5
Dream Works - 2


2010-2019


Pixar - 0
Dream Works - 1


Sincerely, 
Corny Reviews


Alright here is what you need to know.  Whoever directed this movie is amazing.  The movie was shot near perfectly.  Each scene pulled in the audience and didn't let go.  I am not a big fan of any animated film out there.  Most often they end with an extremely predictable ending, and try to hard to have comedy that the plot gets forgotten.  What I liked about Dragons is that it focused completely on the plot, and payed extreme attention to detail.  Unlike the TV show Lost, each element of the movie was explained, or known by the end.  The audience never had to ask follow up questions from the movie because it was all there.  
The voice casting I thought was excellent.  Who better to play the Viking son Hiccup, who was a bit of softy, than Undeclared's, Jay Baruchal.  The supporting cast was excellent as well.  Gerard Butler as the father, and some comedy relief from Jonah Hill, Cloverfield cameraman TJ Miller, and Teeerget girl Kristin Wigg.  They all brought the town alive, and really allowed the mostly children audience to experience the fun side to training a dragon.
The 2 things I appreciated the most were, the unconventional ending which I will let you experience for yourself, and the Dragon Training manuel.  Imagine the back of Marvel collecting cards.  Strength 10, Fire Blast 6, Tail spikes 7, its all there, and the writers went way out of there way to invent multiple different dragons, and have the wonderful McLovin to explain each Dragons strengths and weaknesses throughout the movie.  
This movie is not for all kids.  I would strongly encourage parents to think about not taking there kid if they are under 6.  The movie is very violent for a kids movie, and can cause a lot of anxiety due to the stress level this movie causes you.  You child WILL be on the edge of his/her seat all the way up to the ending.  It does has a bit of social commentary for parents to pick up on similar to the Obesity issue in Wall-E.  The movie is fun, and highly entertaining.  Don't pay the extra to see it in 3D, the visuals are not nearly as good as the plot itself.  I give this movie an...
EXTRA-LARGE BAG OF POPCORN

Much Needed Break.

Hello loyal fans.  To be honest, I haven't been the best at blogging.  In fact I don't even really enjoy writing, or video taping myself all that much.  With that being said, I am going to swallow my pride and say I'm SORRY.  I have always doubted this blog.  I never actually think any one reads it, and you know what maybe people don't.  At a wedding last night I was encouraged and given a second wind.  I just needed to remember why I set out to do this in the first place. 
Balancing my family, school, full time ministry, and and social life is not easy.  I set out do this because honestly movies fill my tank.  They allow me to spend time with my wife, laugh, and simply be entertained.  I wanted to create a blog that tells friends and family what movies to go see and not see.  What movies will entertain you or simply be a waste of your time and money.  There are plenty of great movie blogs out there, and by all means I am not trying to be the best.  I just need a hobby, and I like movies.  
If you are looking for a blog that is really going to analyze a movie this may not be the blog for you.  I will analyze however the entertainment value of the movie because isn't that why most of you go to see movies anyway...to be entertained.  I hope I can add a family element as well. Most families want to know if they can take there kids to see a movie, or if it's an ok movie to see on a date night.  I will be addressing this as often as I can and hopefully prevent families from making poor movie decisions.
I hope all my fans [if I have any] realize that their really is intention being this blog, behind attempting to be funny.  Money is money and if you are not sure what movie to spend it on, well then I advise you check out this blog.  Thanks for taking the time out of your day to read this blog.  I sure hope I am corny enough for you.


Sincerely,
Christian Warne
Corny Reviewer

The Tooth Fairy

Look I don't have much to say, but those that are interested here you go.

Family movie? What is that. It's seems like every movie that comes out has something questionable about. Movies without foul language, cleavage, unhealthy families or drugs just don't exist anymore. The Tooth Fairy is an exception. Dwayne Johnson plays a bad boy hockey player who had no belief in the tooth fairy. He is sentenced to 3 weeks of being a tooth fairy becuase he tells his girlfriend's (Ashley Judd) daughter the Tooth Fairy doesn't exist. Although it's a hokey movie, with minimal laughs, it promotes healthy relationships, and is good clean fun. This is a rare breed of a movie that the whole family ages 1-Parenthood can enjoy. I give this movie a...

MEDIUM BAG OF POPCORN

The Book of Eli / The Road / Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus

TOP 10 MOVIES / TOP 3 MP3 / TOP BOOK of 2009

This post may be a little different for all you fans, but as much as I am a fan of movies I just wanted to share with you some of my joys of 2009

I provided you a list of my top 10 favorite movies of 2009

My top 3 favorite music downloads

...and my FAVORITE book of 2009 [maybe ever]

here we go

MP3's of 2009

3. Space Olympics - The Lonely Island [one of the best comedic songs ever, easily trumps i'm an idiot and i'm your boyfriend]

2. Every Morning - Basshunter [good techno is back ladies and gentlemen]

1. Vox Populi - 30 Seconds to Mars [this should have been the theme song for 2012, adam lambert got that vote, so I give this my top song of 2009]

TOP BOOK OF 2009 [MAYBE EVER]

1. OPEN - Andre Agassi [never have I been so enthralled in someones life. This book is so reflective of the title because Andre Agassi really opens up every single detail of his life. Whether you like sports or not this is the best biography probably written in the past 10 years.]

now on to the stuff you care about...

TOP 10 MOVIES OF 2009

[disclaimer, these are the movies I liked. So don't judge me]

10. Sugar [Great story about a cuban baseball pitcher who has trouble transferring his skills and culture to AA baseball in America.]

9. The Fast and Furious [Love me or hate me, but this movie was easily the best of the 4, and it gave everything fans wanted.]

8. Drag me to Hell [One of the best horror movies of my generation, thanks Sam Raimi for taking a break from superhero movies with 30 villans to make this incredibly funny yet creepy horror flick]

7. State of Play [You have to like these type of movies about journalism, politics, and scandals. If you don't like that then watch Ben Affleck actually act for once.]

6. I Love You, Man [Slappin' da Bass man. Jason Seagal + Paul Rudd = comedy Gold]

5. Hurt Locker [Watch this movie America. Easily the best movie about the War in Iraq...but not. Should win best picture, and is easily the best movie by a female director. Did I mention she did Point Break. R.I.P. Swayze]

4. 2012 [Sorry if this makes you mad America, but I felt like I was on a roller coaster for 3 hours. Horrible Acting + Best computer graphics of 2009[sorry avatar fans] = One fun thanksgiving thrill ride. Thanks Roland Emmerich I will never stop loving you.]

3. Good Hair [You have no idea how fascinating this documentary is. Chris Rock you are genius for exploring the world of Hair. I don't want to say much, but this documentary will blow you weave right off]

2. Up in the Air [Jason Reitman you are 2 for 3. I loved it. Ryan Bingham is one of a kind, and George Clooney nailed the performance. Major props to the casting director for casting actual unemployed people and recording the response they would have liked to have said to there boss when they got fir[oops]...let go.]

1. Fantastic Mr. Fox [Dont ask me why this is number one. I can only say this is the best childrens book adaptation that appeals to adults. The funny thing is that when this book came out I was 10 maybe. Now the movie appeals directly to the audience that fell in love with the book 10 years ago. If you think I am wrong too bad. Stop Motion + Wes Anderson Script [best since Bottle Rocket] + Clooney + The Smile on my face during the whole movie = Best Movie of 2009 for Christian Warne!

Honorable Mentions:

Moon [Best Sci Fi of the year according to me. Also lots of scripture references]

An Education [Some of the best acting of the year by far]

Funny People [Crude, yet extremely touching.]

500 Days of Summer [Easily one of the funnest movies to watch of 2009]

Pandorum [Second best horror of 2009. Ben Foster you made this movie likable]

Zombieland [Best Cameo of 2009 hands down]

I hope next year is as good as this one!

Christmas Time

Because its Christmas and people are wondering what to go see I will post an extremely quick review of some movies. I'm Warning you it will be quick.

Armored - Medium Bag of Popcorn - rent it, good action

The Road - Large Bag of Popcorn - good acting, lacked plot

Did you hear about the morgans? - Small bag of popcorn - hugh grant is the only good part

Avatar - Large Bag of Popcorn - if you haven't seen this already then you probably don't read my blog

Me and Orson Welles - Large Bag of Popcorn - great acting, decent plot, Zac efron is a hunk

Up in the Air - Extra Large Bag of Pocorn - so good! the mom from rookie of the year is in it. makes it even better.

Merry Christmas. Spend More on movies and less on your family!

Sincerely,

Corny Reviews